Researchers Find New Strain Of HIV

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Vol 45 Issue 32

Plague In China

Ziketan, a farming town of 10,000 in the Qinghai province of China, has been locked down in an attempt to prevent the spread of pneumonic plague....
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Researchers Find New Strain Of HIV

Scientists recently discovered a new strain of HIV that originated in gorillas but is now infecting humans. What do you think?
  • "Yeah, right. Thanks, MOM."

    Parker Hughes
    Property Clerk
  • "I'm going to need some time to figure out what God is trying to say here."

    Katrina Gutmanis
    Preacher
  • "If those stupid apes weren't so damn cute, I'd stop rubbing my open wounds against their open wounds."

    David Giunta
    Machine Molder
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