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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Resistance In Iraq

A sudden surge in anti-occupation violence in Iraq has prompted some Americans to fear the coalition forces' control is slipping. What do you think?
  • "A handful of kidnappings and a few armed insurrections doesn't mean we're losing control. It just means that we never really had control."

    Frank Himmelbaum Systems Analyst
  • "The insurgents are just jealous that we're part of an awesome coalition and they aren't."

    Mandy Wright Property Inspector
  • "Bush did say we'd be welcomed with an open display of small arms."

    Karl Wright Mathematician
  • "They're calling their latest operation 'Resolute Sword?' Shit. We have to change our band's name again."

    Eric Baker Lyricist
  • "I hope for the sake of Iraq's children this doesn't lead to a civil war. Then those kids would have to watch boring documentaries about it in school for the next 200 years."

    Scott Waller Waiter
  • "Well, everyone gets antsy around tax time."

    Dorothy Nelson CPA
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