Retail Sales Rise

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Vol 48 Issue 16

Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life

WASHINGTON—Confirming years of speculation, a new study from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's National Animal Health Monitoring System has found that red meat significantly increases the risk of premature death in cows.

Storage Wars

A&E 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST A dejected Dave thinks the storage locker he purchased is a bust when once again he finds nothing but a 55-gallon oil drum stuffed with two female bodies, but he rejoices upon realizing the corpses are concealing a min...

So, You Wanna Dance?

Fox 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST With host Ryan Seacrest looming over them, waiting…sure they do!
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Holiday

Retail Sales Rise

Retail sales in the United States rose 0.8 percent in March, thanks in part to warmer weather and an improved economy. What do you think?

  • "0.8 percent? America's back, baby!"

    Janet Yarrall
    Test Engineer
  • “Oh, really? Because there’s been a 14 year-old riding lawn mower in my yard for six weeks with a for-sale sign on it that says you’re full of shit.”

    Joshua Gooch
    Disassembler
  • "It must be the spring, when credit card debt statements fade in the glow of the late April sun."

    Andrew Lamey
    Systems Analyst
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