Return Of The Draft?

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Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.

Best Buy Employee Wearing Different Colored Shirt For Some Reason

‘His Shirt Is Black,’ Confused Customers Say

FAIRFAX, VA—Eyeing the staff member with wariness and confusion, customers at the Fair City Mall Best Buy location confirmed Wednesday that one of the store’s employees was, for some reason, wearing a black shirt rather than a blue one like the rest of his coworkers.

Nobel Peace Prize Candidates

There are 273 candidates for the Nobel Peace Prize this year, the second-highest number of nominees ever, and the laureate(s) will be announced Friday before the prize ceremony in December. Here are some notable candidates for this year’s award:
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.


Return Of The Draft?

As the war in Iraq drags on, some Americans fear reinstatement of the military draft. What do you think?
  • "Well, okay. As long as it's only a small draft and then they promise to stop."

    Sara Simpson
    Camera Operator
  • "A draft would be great. Going down there to sign myself up would be such a hassle."

    Leonard Robertson
    Systems Analyst
  • "If I get drafted, I hope they put me on one of the swift boats. From what I gather, those guys are never in any danger."

    James Sanders
  • "If I must submit to a draft, I hope I'm not picked by Cincinnati."

    Johnny Grant
    Carpet Cutter
  • "Well, no one is getting drafted until after the election, so there's no use worrying about it now."

    Chris Daniels
  • "That's it. I'm voting for the candidate who would flip-flop on sending my son to die, rather than the one who'd do it without hesitation."

    Carmen Rice
    Brokerage Clerk