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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Richard Clarke Speaks Out

Former counterterrorism official Richard Clarke emerged as a controversial, outspoken figure at the Sept. 11 investigation hearings. What do you think?
  • "Clarke is just another crazy conspiracy theorist claiming that the federal government is slow, inefficient, and unfocused."

    Tammy Kroft Business Owner
  • "I don't think Clarke is lying. He's got a book to back up his claims. What does the White House have? Nothing."

    Katie Sanderson Legal Secretary
  • "In this time of crisis, we should stand by the president no matter what. Yes, I know I've been saying that same thing for three straight years now. So?"

    Karl Kruger Systems Analyst
  • "Clarke is just mad because he was passed over for a promotion. And because his bosses' indifference to the American public was indirectly responsible for 3,000 deaths."

    Vincent Wenz Bartender
  • "Dick Clarke, despite the controversy, still looks amazingly good after all these years."

    David Everly Cook
  • "Richard Clarke was fixated on, even obsessed with, terrorists and terrorism. Do we really want people like that in our government?"

    Thomas Smith Architect

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