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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Richard Gere Angers India

Protesters in India burned Richard Gere's image in effigy after the actor repeatedly kissed a Bollywood actress at an AIDS awareness rally. What do you think?
  • "Get in line, India. America still has a score to settle with Gere for Shall We Dance."

    Shawn Ducharme Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, leave him alone. He just got worked up after that 45-minute song-and-dance routine about a magic kettle."

    Caesar Polito Sous Chef
  • "The situation didn't get really out of hand until he dry-humped Kashmir."

    Stuart Dobbs Receptionist

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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