Right-to-Die Controversy

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Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Origins Of Popular Slang Terms

As the internet helps push new words and expressions into common usage, many may wonder where our most ubiquitous idioms come from. Here are the origins of some popular slang terms and phrases

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.
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Right-to-Die Controversy

Right-to-die has been a hot issue of late, with both pro- and anti-right-to-die forces holding large demonstrations across the U.S. What do you think of physician-assisted suicide?
  • "I believe I have the right to die. I also believe I have the right to say: 'I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler.'"

    Sandra Gregorian Systems Analyst
  • "Everyone has a right to die. Especially all those people I'm planning to stab to death."

    Oliver Mielecki Botanist
  • "My poor mother broke her leg last May, and we had no choice but to put her down."

    Wayne Buice Student
  • "If right-to-die legislation had been passed years ago, think of all that would have been lost—like the last two seasons of The Golden Girls."

    Theo Crawford Plumber
  • "Apple, pecan, cherry. I think every person has the right to pie."

    Nancy Rivers Accountant
  • "If you're brain-dead and hooked up to life support, it doesn't matter if you die or not, just as long as you try your best. That's all anyone can ask."

    Matt Polan Caterer


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