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Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Origins Of Popular Slang Terms

As the internet helps push new words and expressions into common usage, many may wonder where our most ubiquitous idioms come from. Here are the origins of some popular slang terms and phrases

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.
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Rising Cable Rates

The nation's cable TV operators announced recently that after an 8 percent hike in 1996, rates will go up another 10 percent in January 1997. What do you think?
  • "It's disappointing, but understandable. I mean, Welcome Back Kotter re-runs must be really expensive to air."

    Jacob Warner Lab Technician
  • "I hope they raise the rates. It makes me feel good to help a struggling media conglomerate get a little bit ahead."

    Albert Cahill Civil Engineer
  • "Cable rates, cigarette prices and liquor taxes are all going up this month. At this rate, the twins' baby food budget is gonna be cut in half."

    Lauryn Hill Pipefitter
  • "With my satellite dish, I can get over 500 stations from around the world. Wanna watch Hart To Hart in German?"

    Josias Manzanillo Pediatrician
  • "Did you see Sister Act II? I have—34 times."

    Tim Bergstrom Systems Analyst
  • "If these rates keep going up, I might soon have to cut back on some channels, like STN--the Shiny Things Network."

    Daphne London School Psychologist


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