Rising Luxury-Goods Sales

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.


  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Rising Luxury-Goods Sales

Sales of luxury goods are booming despite a period of near-stagnation in the American economy. What do you think?
  • "Hooray! This means I won't lose my shitty job mopping out toilets at the custom Learjet factory!"

    Kalil Ngyue
  • "Dammit, I really thought the Italian sports car bubble was finally going to burst this year."

    Arnold Featherston
    Art Restorer
  • "Millionaires are spending more on pampering themselves? Thank God that, even in the midst of all these crises in Iraq and the Gulf Coast, there's still some good news to read about."

    Barbara Montenegro