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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Robert Altman Dead

Acclaimed director Robert Altman died this week. What do you think?
  • "I hope he didn't check 'Yes' on the organ-donation box. There's nothing worse than a third-hand heart."

    Rebecca Johansen Systems Analyst
  • "This death came out of nowhere. Mr. Altman appeared so young, vibrant, and fresh-faced."

    Lee Utrecht Tunnel Digger
  • "See what happens when you go around being stoned all the time? You accidentally make Popeye and manage to fuck up what would have been a perfectly lovely obit."

    Jeremy Wilmington Bricklayer
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