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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Robert Pattinson Hit By Taxicab

Harry Potter and Twilight star Robert Pattinson was hit by a cab while trying to avoid fans in New York City. What do you think?
  • "Oh my God. Was the cab okay?"

    Gary Van Duyne Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, that's like something out of A Hard Day's Night, except in that it made sense to chase the Beatles."

    Gloria Orr Stabilizer Operator
  • "Listen, I'm sorry I hit him, but I thought he was that asshole Shia LaBeouf."

    Anthony Karrenbauer Cab Driver

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