adBlockCheck

Robert Pattinson Hit By Taxicab

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

'It's The Kind With A Blade That Locks In Place,' Says Law Enforcement Spokesperson

Warning residents that the blade was “super deadly” and “badass,” city police officials held a press conference Wednesday to announce that they had found a really cool wooden-handled Buck-brand pocketknife on the street.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Robert Pattinson Hit By Taxicab

Harry Potter and Twilight star Robert Pattinson was hit by a cab while trying to avoid fans in New York City. What do you think?
  • "Oh my God. Was the cab okay?"

    Gary Van Duyne Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, that's like something out of A Hard Day's Night, except in that it made sense to chase the Beatles."

    Gloria Orr Stabilizer Operator
  • "Listen, I'm sorry I hit him, but I thought he was that asshole Shia LaBeouf."

    Anthony Karrenbauer Cab Driver

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close