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Robert Pattinson Hit By Taxicab

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Robert Pattinson Hit By Taxicab

Harry Potter and Twilight star Robert Pattinson was hit by a cab while trying to avoid fans in New York City. What do you think?
  • "Oh my God. Was the cab okay?"

    Gary Van Duyne Systems Analyst
  • "Wow, that's like something out of A Hard Day's Night, except in that it made sense to chase the Beatles."

    Gloria Orr Stabilizer Operator
  • "Listen, I'm sorry I hit him, but I thought he was that asshole Shia LaBeouf."

    Anthony Karrenbauer Cab Driver

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