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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Rolling Stones Turn 50

The iconic British rock band the Rolling Stones made their debut at London's Marquee Club 50 years ago yesterday. What do you think?

  • “They’re a towering example of how age truly doesn’t matter. Except for the bassist guy who said, ‘Fuck this, I’m too old for this shit,’ and quit.”

    Eliza Spurr Cultural Center Worker
  • “I’m not impressed unless their instruments are also 50 years old.”

    Max Ochoa Systems Analyst
  • “Oh, it’s pathetic because they’re so old. Is that what you want me to say? Fuck you—you never wrote ‘Moonlight Mile.’”

    Joe Kane Public Radio Producer

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