adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
End Of Section
  • More News

Rolling Stones Turn 50

The iconic British rock band the Rolling Stones made their debut at London's Marquee Club 50 years ago yesterday. What do you think?

  • “They’re a towering example of how age truly doesn’t matter. Except for the bassist guy who said, ‘Fuck this, I’m too old for this shit,’ and quit.”

    Eliza Spurr Cultural Center Worker
  • “I’m not impressed unless their instruments are also 50 years old.”

    Max Ochoa Systems Analyst
  • “Oh, it’s pathetic because they’re so old. Is that what you want me to say? Fuck you—you never wrote ‘Moonlight Mile.’”

    Joe Kane Public Radio Producer

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close