Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
End Of Section
  • More News

Romantic Comedies Normalize Stalker Behavior

A new study found that women who watched romantic comedies involving stalker behaviors, such as There’s Something About Mary, were more likely to tolerate such behaviors in their own relationships. What do you think?

  • “Oh, come on. Darren’s harmless!”

    Katherine Hesse Cardboard Corrugator
  • “You can’t expect the public to watch a movie that portrays men accurately.”

    Dugan Amend Subwoofer Technician
  • “A woman with both a sense of humor and a taste for danger is pretty much the full package.”

    Emmett O’Leary Pest Displacer


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close