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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Romney Aide: Campaign Light On Details

Ed Gillespie, a top adviser to Mitt Romney, admitted the campaign had thus far failed to provide enough details about policy proposals and said a concerted effort would be made to better communicate the Republican candidate’s specific ideas and stances. What do you think?

  • “That’s sad. When you take something like the Romney campaign and try to analyze it, quantify it, or pin it down—that’s when you destroy its beauty.”

    Rosalie Teves Juvenile Court Judge
  • “Romney better do that if he wants to have any hope of connecting with the huge detail-oriented policy wonk segment of the electorate.”

    Mitch Giordano Plasma Physicist
  • “Wait, so he hasn’t shared the details of his policy proposals? So what have I been disagreeing with for the past three months?”

    Tommy Null Pelt Scraper

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