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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Romney Courts Black Voters With NAACP Speech

Hoping to win votes among a demographic that supported Barack Obama by a margin of 19-to-1 in the last election, GOP candidate Mitt Romney today addressed the NAACP’s annual convention, an event Obama decided to skip this year. What do you think?

  • “Say what you will, but I thought his rap about trickle-down economics went over about as well as it could.”

    Ali Jennings-Fong Geriatric Care Assistant
  • “We sure have come a long way from the time when black people weren’t even allowed to be pandered to.”

    Justin Kelly Architect
  • “I bet Obama’s just worried his speech wouldn’t go over as well.”

    Reba Buckley Systems Analyst

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