adBlockCheck

Politics

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
End Of Section
  • More News

Romney: 'Double Guantanamo'

In a Republican presidential debate on Tuesday, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney said he would support doubling the detention facilities in Guantánamo. What do you think?
  • "Oh good. My Uncle Tim just wrote to me from Guantánamo, and said he would really enjoy having a falsely accused cell mate."

    Diane Pallone Wedding Planner
  • "Wait, Mitt Romney? The flip-flopping Mormon whose favorite novel is Battlefield Earth? I thought he was a fictional character."

    Kansas Jennings Systems Analyst
  • "This one-upmanship has got to stop. I don't think I can watch Rudy Giuliani waterboard a detainee during a debate."

    Brian Cohen Postal Carrier

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close