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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Romney Promises 'The Opposite' Of Obama On Israel

This past weekend, Mitt Romney vowed that he would look at what President Obama has done regarding Israel and "do the opposite." What do you think?

  • "I can only assume what Romney means is that he's going to cut off aid to Israel, support the Palestinians, and make out with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad."

    Lucas Friel Tape Cutter
  • "If applied uniformly across the board, this style of rhetoric could really take the guesswork out of Romney's positions on everything."

    Beth Altman Systems Analyst
  • “Okay, so he’s got his foreign policy down, but what about the economy? Has he mentioned whether he’ll make it better or did he say he would make it worse? The answer is important.”

    Ray Creaghead Bead Builder
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