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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Romney Promises 'The Opposite' Of Obama On Israel

This past weekend, Mitt Romney vowed that he would look at what President Obama has done regarding Israel and "do the opposite." What do you think?

  • "I can only assume what Romney means is that he's going to cut off aid to Israel, support the Palestinians, and make out with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad."

    Lucas Friel Tape Cutter
  • "If applied uniformly across the board, this style of rhetoric could really take the guesswork out of Romney's positions on everything."

    Beth Altman Systems Analyst
  • “Okay, so he’s got his foreign policy down, but what about the economy? Has he mentioned whether he’ll make it better or did he say he would make it worse? The answer is important.”

    Ray Creaghead Bead Builder

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