Romney Wins Illinois

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Vol 48 Issue 12

Luck

HBO 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST Life at the track is turned upside down when one of the jockeys discovers the horses can talk.

That's So Gina!

CBS 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST This week, Gina saves half the chicken she had for dinner and cuts it up for a salad she'll have for lunch tomorrow. That's so her.

Anthony Davis

Kentucky's shot-blocking frosh sensation has been unselfish, versatile, and seemingly everywhere on the floor during the NCAA Tournament.

Purity Of War Marred By One Bad Apple In Afghanistan

A study finds that newborn infants can tell if their parents are losers, all 6.5 million residents of Indiana join together to form a collective consciousness, and Ray Ban is unsure the public can pull off its 2012 series of sunglasses.
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Family

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Originality

Romney Wins Illinois

Pundits are declaring that Mitt Romney's decisive victory in Illinois yesterday is a good indicator that he'll win the nomination. What do you think?

  • "I hope that means these guys can go back to being friends now."

    Annette Kerr
    Systems Analyst
  • "Aw, heck. I was still hoping one of the spite candidates would make it through."

    Chris Moscrop
    Hogshead Inspector
  • “As a Romney supporter, this might be the best news I’ve heard since pundits started declaring him the probable nominee back in 2011.”

    Scott Johnson
    Shoe Repairer
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