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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Romney Wins Illinois

Pundits are declaring that Mitt Romney's decisive victory in Illinois yesterday is a good indicator that he'll win the nomination. What do you think?

  • "I hope that means these guys can go back to being friends now."

    Annette Kerr Systems Analyst
  • "Aw, heck. I was still hoping one of the spite candidates would make it through."

    Chris Moscrop Hogshead Inspector
  • “As a Romney supporter, this might be the best news I’ve heard since pundits started declaring him the probable nominee back in 2011.”

    Scott Johnson Shoe Repairer

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