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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Ron Paul Video Game In Development

Ron Paul supporter Daniel Williams has launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund a video game called Ron Paul: Road to REVOLution. What do you think?

  • “What better libertarian tribute could there be than forcing players into a world of rules they didn't create to achieve a goal they never chose?”

    Colleen Abrams Gas Inspector
  • “We can’t be getting Dr. Paul addicted to some cool new video game now. He’s going to need to focus on the election if he wants to win this thing.”

    Michael Becker Systems Analyst
  • "It's a tall order during the game to close down the Federal Reserve, repeal Roe v. Wade, and withdraw from the United Nations, but once you do all that it unlocks the racist newsletters."

    Noel Spiegel Night Auditor

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