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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Ron Paul Video Game In Development

Ron Paul supporter Daniel Williams has launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund a video game called Ron Paul: Road to REVOLution. What do you think?

  • “What better libertarian tribute could there be than forcing players into a world of rules they didn't create to achieve a goal they never chose?”

    Colleen Abrams Gas Inspector
  • “We can’t be getting Dr. Paul addicted to some cool new video game now. He’s going to need to focus on the election if he wants to win this thing.”

    Michael Becker Systems Analyst
  • "It's a tall order during the game to close down the Federal Reserve, repeal Roe v. Wade, and withdraw from the United Nations, but once you do all that it unlocks the racist newsletters."

    Noel Spiegel Night Auditor

More from this section

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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