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Ross Perot Endorses Romney

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Ross Perot Endorses Romney

Saying the nation “can’t afford” a second term under President Obama, 82-year-old Texas billionaire H. Ross Perot, who unsuccessfully ran for president in 1992 and 1996, endorsed Mitt Romney in a Des Moines Register op-ed Tuesday. What do you think?

  • “It’s always inspiring to see a billionaire with enough courage to stand up for a simple, humble multimillionaire.”

    Rod Graf Importer
  • “But who is Crystal Pepsi endorsing?”

    Bridget Fingleton Pipeline Laborer
  • “Yeah, but did you read that other op-ed below his, about the new stoplights on Jefferson and Main Street!?”

    Andrei Belohovek Unemployed

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