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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Rove New Newsweek Columnist

Newsweek magazine hired the president's former deputy chief of staff, Karl Rove, as a columnist last week. What do you think?
  • "His insights into the presidential race will be invaluable. I wonder if he thinks McCain should be backstabbed or just trash-talked?"

    Alan Baker Systems Analyst
  • "I wonder if it still counts as planting stories when you're doing it in your own column."

    Julie Pertwee Nutritionist
  • "Karl Rove is the last person I want to get sex advice from."

    Dave Troughton Mover

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