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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Rudy Drops Out

Last Friday, Rudolph Giuliani shook up the New York Senate race when he announced that he would not run against Hillary Clinton due to his recently diagnosed prostate cancer. What do you think about the decision?
  • "As a strong Giuliani supporter, I'm disappointed to see him quit just because he got ball cancer."

    Bill Fordice Construction Worker
  • "That's one senate seat I wouldn't want. It's gonna smell all Moynihanny for years."

    Richard Bottrell Systems Analyst
  • "I guess this means I'll have to scrap my outrageous Capitol Steps send-up, 'Rudolph The Hard-Nosed Committee Chair.'"

    Todd Kinnard Capitol Steps Performer
  • "As a New Yorker, I don't think someone should run for our senate seat unless they actually live in New York. Specifically Manhattan. On the Upper East Side. In the mid-80s. Above the 30th floor. In a corner apartment."

    Liz Green Bond Trader
  • "Madre de Dios! Jewel y Yanni tienen cáncer?"

    Hector Ramirez Cook
  • "Mess with Hillary, get cancer. That's the kind of tough representation I want in Washington."

    Linda Langevin English Teacher

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