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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Rudy Drops Out

Last Friday, Rudolph Giuliani shook up the New York Senate race when he announced that he would not run against Hillary Clinton due to his recently diagnosed prostate cancer. What do you think about the decision?
  • "As a strong Giuliani supporter, I'm disappointed to see him quit just because he got ball cancer."

    Bill Fordice Construction Worker
  • "That's one senate seat I wouldn't want. It's gonna smell all Moynihanny for years."

    Richard Bottrell Systems Analyst
  • "I guess this means I'll have to scrap my outrageous Capitol Steps send-up, 'Rudolph The Hard-Nosed Committee Chair.'"

    Todd Kinnard Capitol Steps Performer
  • "As a New Yorker, I don't think someone should run for our senate seat unless they actually live in New York. Specifically Manhattan. On the Upper East Side. In the mid-80s. Above the 30th floor. In a corner apartment."

    Liz Green Bond Trader
  • "Madre de Dios! Jewel y Yanni tienen cáncer?"

    Hector Ramirez Cook
  • "Mess with Hillary, get cancer. That's the kind of tough representation I want in Washington."

    Linda Langevin English Teacher

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