Russia Launches 8 Gerbils, 15 Lizards, Fish Into Space

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Vol 49 Issue 17

Average Teen Will Spend $1,139 On Prom

Following a brief downturn in recent years due to the flagging economy, the average teen’s spending on prom this year is expected to rise to $1,139, with much of that money supplied by parents to pay for tickets, attire, hairstyling, and transportat...

Meet the Press

NBC 10 a.m. EDT/9 a.m. CDT Host David Gregory and DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz spend 10 minutes sharing a soft onscreen kiss.
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Russia Launches 8 Gerbils, 15 Lizards, Fish Into Space

Analyzing the effects of long-term space travel, Russia launched a capsule into orbit containing mice, geckos, gerbils, snails, fish, and a variety of microogranisms, which will all be monitored for 30 days before returning to Earth, when they’ll be euthanized. What do you think?

  • “Space will prove hard on these animals, but their greatest challenge will be working as a team out there.”

    Dawn Miano
    Loom Fixer
  • “Those poor microorganisms.”

    Joel Chang
    Food And Drug Inspector
  • “This is a bold step toward one day sending 14 cats, 3 wolves, and 12 bats to Mars.”

    Rick Bernstein
    Pedal Assembler
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