adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
End Of Section
  • More News

Russia Tests Largest Conventional Bomb

Russia successfully tested the largest airborne non-nuclear bomb, delivering a blast four times more powerful than the U.S.' "Mother of All Bombs."
  • "It's good to know that World War III will have a short period of spectacular conventional destruction as a build-up to nuclear holocaust."

    Darren Warshaw Barista
  • "All I have to say is thank God for that Star Wars program."

    Linda Braxton Systems Analyst
  • "Well, you know what, Russia? We've got a not-currently-deployed Coast Guard who is keeping an eye on you."

    Cody Friel Banquet Waiter

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close