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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Russian Hackers Target Water Supply

A water pump in Illinois was damaged when hackers took control of it earlier this month. What do you think?

  • "I wouldn't get too caught up in theories of deliberate sabotage. Water Pump Systems Control for Windows 95 contains tons of glitches."

    Nathan Castle Patch Finisher
  • "Did they use the water pump's birthday to log in? You'd be surprised how often that works."

    Quinn Stephens Unemployed
  • "Perhaps the tourism board should stop using ‘Illinois: Where Hacking Is Easy’ as its overseas marketing slogan."

    Sam Meyer Safety Deposit Supervisor
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