adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

Russian Hackers Target Water Supply

A water pump in Illinois was damaged when hackers took control of it earlier this month. What do you think?

  • "I wouldn't get too caught up in theories of deliberate sabotage. Water Pump Systems Control for Windows 95 contains tons of glitches."

    Nathan Castle Patch Finisher
  • "Did they use the water pump's birthday to log in? You'd be surprised how often that works."

    Quinn Stephens Unemployed
  • "Perhaps the tourism board should stop using ‘Illinois: Where Hacking Is Easy’ as its overseas marketing slogan."

    Sam Meyer Safety Deposit Supervisor

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close