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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Sale Of Gas-Fueled Cars To Be Limited By 2050

​The United Nations Conference on Climate Change announced an agreement by five countries to ban the sale of new gas-fueled cars by 2050, a move that would reduce global pollution but could cause economic complications if electric car production is unable to meet rising demand. What do you think?

  • “And they said I was crazy for investing my life savings in gondolas.”

    Scott Pernai Drum Major
  • “Did ExxonMobil okay this?”

    Tommy Wolz Creationist Pediatrician
  • “You can’t ask Americans to stop nursing their sneering contempt for electric cars in two short generations.”

    Gloria Rickert Glove Stitcher

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