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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Samsung To Offer iPhone Rival

The day Apple announced its new 3G iPhone, Samsung unveiled a Windows-based touchscreen phone. What do you think?
  • "The new SamPhone is out? Holy shit!"

    Mala Haggarty Systems Analyst
  • "Why can't Samsung just let Apple have the spotlight for once."

    Sam Mirk Croupier
  • "I'm holding out till Kraft makes a phone."

    Jack West Dental Hygenist

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