Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Samsung To Offer iPhone Rival

The day Apple announced its new 3G iPhone, Samsung unveiled a Windows-based touchscreen phone. What do you think?
  • "The new SamPhone is out? Holy shit!"

    Mala Haggarty Systems Analyst
  • "Why can't Samsung just let Apple have the spotlight for once."

    Sam Mirk Croupier
  • "I'm holding out till Kraft makes a phone."

    Jack West Dental Hygenist

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.