adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Samsung Unveils Smartwatch

Samsung debuted its much-anticipated Galaxy Gear smartwatch yesterday, which allows the wearer to make calls or read texts and emails from their wrist and use any of 70 apps, though the device has to be synced with a nearby Galaxy Note tablet to operate. What do you think?

  • “Finally, I can call from my wrist instead of my hand.”

    Ariel Bryant Unemployed
  • “That’s cool. It’s like a cell phone, but smaller, wearable, and it needs another cell phone to work.”

    Dirk Redd Snake Catcher
  • “Great, a new place for phantom vibrations on my body.”

    David Rosenthal Broadcaster

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close