adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

San Francisco Bans Happy Meal

The city of San Francisco banned the McDonald's Happy Meal because it was not living up to the city's basic nutritional standards. What do you think?

  • "The better way to teach a child not to want McDonald's is to call them fat and jiggle their tummy in front of a bully."

    Fran Vandermark Election Supervisor
  • "But hamburgers are the only thing my 4-year-old and I have in common!"

    Jeb Falzone Systems Analyst
  • "Why don't the San Francisco politicians do something to truly protect children, and ban all seismic activity within city limits?"

    Rob Pisarri Unemployed

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close