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San Francisco Bans Happy Meal

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God Admits Stealing Idea For Messiah From Zoroastrianism

THE HEAVENS—Under pressure from scholars, who for centuries have pointed out strong similarities between certain aspects of the two religions, God finally admitted Tuesday that He had stolen the idea for the Messiah from Zoroastrianism and used it as a major feature of the Judeo-Christian tradition.

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PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

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San Francisco Bans Happy Meal

The city of San Francisco banned the McDonald's Happy Meal because it was not living up to the city's basic nutritional standards. What do you think?

  • "The better way to teach a child not to want McDonald's is to call them fat and jiggle their tummy in front of a bully."

    Fran Vandermark Election Supervisor
  • "But hamburgers are the only thing my 4-year-old and I have in common!"

    Jeb Falzone Systems Analyst
  • "Why don't the San Francisco politicians do something to truly protect children, and ban all seismic activity within city limits?"

    Rob Pisarri Unemployed

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