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San Francisco Bans Happy Meal

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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San Francisco Bans Happy Meal

The city of San Francisco banned the McDonald's Happy Meal because it was not living up to the city's basic nutritional standards. What do you think?

  • "The better way to teach a child not to want McDonald's is to call them fat and jiggle their tummy in front of a bully."

    Fran Vandermark Election Supervisor
  • "But hamburgers are the only thing my 4-year-old and I have in common!"

    Jeb Falzone Systems Analyst
  • "Why don't the San Francisco politicians do something to truly protect children, and ban all seismic activity within city limits?"

    Rob Pisarri Unemployed

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