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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Sandra Day O'Connor Regrets ‘Bush V. Gore’

Former Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O’Connor said the court’s decision to hear the case of Bush v. Gore during the contested 2000 general election may have been a mistake and claimed it harmed the court’s reputation. What do you think?

  • “She should give herself a break. I mean, who hasn’t made a mistake when adjudicating a landmark case?”

    Brant Lowrie Poultry Debeaker
  • “Well, it’s a good thing we don’t let small groups of powerful people influence elections anymore.”

    Sophie Anson Unemployed
  • “Don’t worry about it.”

    Mike Starkey Landscape Drafter

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