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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
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Sandra Day O'Connor Regrets ‘Bush V. Gore’

Former Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O’Connor said the court’s decision to hear the case of Bush v. Gore during the contested 2000 general election may have been a mistake and claimed it harmed the court’s reputation. What do you think?

  • “She should give herself a break. I mean, who hasn’t made a mistake when adjudicating a landmark case?”

    Brant Lowrie Poultry Debeaker
  • “Well, it’s a good thing we don’t let small groups of powerful people influence elections anymore.”

    Sophie Anson Unemployed
  • “Don’t worry about it.”

    Mike Starkey Landscape Drafter
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