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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Sandy's Economic Toll Could Reach $50 Billion

Many analysts are estimating the cost of the devastation and economic disruption caused by Hurricane Sandy at around $20 billion, with some suggesting the economic toll could reach as high as $50 billion. What do you think?

  • “Sure, but those are New York prices.”

    Priscilla Rees Furnace Installer
  • “Ever since the word ‘trillions’ started being flung around in this year’s election, I’m barely able to give a shit about anything in the billions.”

    Alan Cleese Quartermaster
  • “Yeah, but once these storms start coming two or three times a year, I think we’ll probably get the hang of them.”

    Paul Twomey Systems Analyst

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