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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Sandy's Economic Toll Could Reach $50 Billion

Many analysts are estimating the cost of the devastation and economic disruption caused by Hurricane Sandy at around $20 billion, with some suggesting the economic toll could reach as high as $50 billion. What do you think?

  • “Sure, but those are New York prices.”

    Priscilla Rees Furnace Installer
  • “Ever since the word ‘trillions’ started being flung around in this year’s election, I’m barely able to give a shit about anything in the billions.”

    Alan Cleese Quartermaster
  • “Yeah, but once these storms start coming two or three times a year, I think we’ll probably get the hang of them.”

    Paul Twomey Systems Analyst

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