adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Santorum Contradicts McCain On ‘Enhanced Interrogation’

In a radio interview Tuesday, presidential hopeful Rick Santorum said he thinks torture critic Sen. John McCain "doesn't understand how enhanced interrogation works." What do you think?

  • "Well, if there's anyone who knows about torture, it's Rick Santorum, who was savagely beaten by 18 percentage points while trying to hold on to his Senate seat in 2006."

    Lilly Cudahy Hand Edge Bander
  • "I think there's an easy fix. Let's just torture him again."

    Todd Cox Vamp Creaser
  • "Who are we to judge? Maybe they just do things differently in Rick Santorum's basement."

    Darren Dixon Unemployed

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close