Santorum Won Iowa Caucus

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Vol 48 Issue 03

North Korea

"Approximately 30,000 children leapt through the air with shiny metallic streamers, while the coordinated undulations of T-shirted adults simulated a giant North Korean flag fluttering in the wind.

Jan. 23

Quilting for Teens: Please come back, Dana! You're the only person who ever came, and I miss you!

Where Are They Now?

ABC 10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST This week's episode follows up with our contestants from last week, whom we've checked in with once a week since the show began.

Area Man Relieved Friend's Short Story Sucks

BOSTON—After reading the final draft Saturday morning, local man Chris Peters, 27, was relieved to discover the short story written by his friend Mark Carter, 26, was absolutely terrible.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Santorum Won Iowa Caucus

A recount of votes in the Iowa caucus shows that former senator Rick Santorum actually beat Mitt Romney by 34 votes. What do you think?

  • "Ballots from some precincts are still missing, however, which shows that even Iowa doesn't give a shit about its presidential caucuses."

    Don Sakes
    Draw Bench Operator
  • “This could give Santorum exactly the kind of retroactive momentum his campaign needs.”

    Matt Gray
    Grain Mixer
  • "Ron Paul was the real winner in Iowa. He's always the real winner in these things. Vote Ron Paul 2012!"

    Lisa Fleming
    Unemployed
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