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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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SAT Takers Face Tighter Security

After last year’s scandal involving 20 Long Island students, SAT and ACT test takers will now face increased security measures. What do you think?

  • "That whole standardized test thing is overrated. I never took the SAT, and look at me now: I'm in the newspaper!"

    Cathy Lum Systems Analyst
  • "If you can't trust teenagers to be honest when taking an inexact test that will to a large extent determine their future, who can you trust?"

    Mark MacArthur Refractory Mixer
  • "I paid a guy to take my SAT test for me. He scored very well and ended up getting into a top college. I worked three jobs to pay his tuition. I think he's a doctor now."

    Derek Carlisle Unemployed
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