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SAT Takers Face Tighter Security

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Wow, Dad Really Went From Zero To 60 With Woodworking This Summer

PAGE, AZ—Expressing their astonishment as they once again heard the sound of their father using his circular saw in the garage despite his seemingly complete lack of interest in the craft prior to last month, the children of area man Sam Morgan, 52, confirmed Tuesday that, wow, their dad had really gone from zero to 60 with woodworking this summer.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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SAT Takers Face Tighter Security

After last year’s scandal involving 20 Long Island students, SAT and ACT test takers will now face increased security measures. What do you think?

  • "That whole standardized test thing is overrated. I never took the SAT, and look at me now: I'm in the newspaper!"

    Cathy Lum Systems Analyst
  • "If you can't trust teenagers to be honest when taking an inexact test that will to a large extent determine their future, who can you trust?"

    Mark MacArthur Refractory Mixer
  • "I paid a guy to take my SAT test for me. He scored very well and ended up getting into a top college. I worked three jobs to pay his tuition. I think he's a doctor now."

    Derek Carlisle Unemployed

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