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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Satellite To Hit Earth This Week

A defunct 6-and-a-half-ton climate satellite is scheduled to crash into Earth on Friday, though scientists can't tell exactly when or where just yet. What do you think?

  • "I'd better see where it lands if I'm going to stow away for its next trip."

    John Busner Prison Guard
  • “I better put the storm windows in. My wife’ll kill me if space debris tears one of our screens.”

    Simon Dykes Plant Guide
  • "Oh, wow, this is so much fun. My guess: Saskatchewan, 2:18 p.m., Friday. One death."

    Darcy Bloom Unemployed
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