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Satellite To Hit Earth This Week

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture
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Satellite To Hit Earth This Week

A defunct 6-and-a-half-ton climate satellite is scheduled to crash into Earth on Friday, though scientists can't tell exactly when or where just yet. What do you think?

  • "I'd better see where it lands if I'm going to stow away for its next trip."

    John Busner Prison Guard
  • “I better put the storm windows in. My wife’ll kill me if space debris tears one of our screens.”

    Simon Dykes Plant Guide
  • "Oh, wow, this is so much fun. My guess: Saskatchewan, 2:18 p.m., Friday. One death."

    Darcy Bloom Unemployed

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