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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Saudi Cleric: Driving Harms Women’s Ovaries

Prominent Saudi cleric Sheikh Saleh Al-Loheidan claimed that medical studies showed how driving automobiles damaged women’s ovaries and pelvises and, if performed often enough, could result in their children being born with “clinical problems.” What do you think?

  • “It is true. I, too, suffer from driver’s womb.”

    Pamela Fortin Videographer
  • “This is progress. He’s acknowledging that women are human beings, with pelvises, just like everyone else!”

    Fran Cain Dental Hygienist
  • “Poor Danica Patrick.”

    Jose Ortega Systems Analyst

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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