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Scandinavians Tops In Gender Equality

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
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Scandinavians Tops In Gender Equality

Four Nordic countries, including Iceland, Norway, Finland, and Sweden, topped a recent survey ranking nations for gender equality. What do you think?

  • "Sure, they're on top of the list right now, but just wait until the season when they have enough light to tell the men and women apart."

    Warren Bagge Unemployed
  • "It's true. When my company transferred me to Oslo, the men were patronized and underpaid just as often as the women."

    Blain Johnson Network Administrator
  • "I hope the U.S. didn't rank very highly. I like living in a country where the odds are stacked against me."

    Carol Wheeler Insurance Claims Administrator

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