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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Schiavo's Right To Die

Last week, a judge gave Florida resident Michael Schiavo permission to remove the feeding tube of his brain-damaged wife Terri. What do you think?
  • "I understand what her husband is going through. My family is currently petitioning the state for permission to remove my fat uncle's feeding spoon."

    Vincent Velez Physical Therapist
  • "If we allow one brain-dead Floridian to die, what's to stop us from extending that policy to include the rest of the state?"

    Lance Morse Systems Analyst
  • "With proper treatment, Terri Schiavo could have gone on to live a long and... long life."

    Margo Strand Hostess
  • "I've set up a living will so that, in the event I fall into a persistent vegetative state, I should be blown to death."

    Cody McIntyre Student
  • "If God wanted people to die with dignity, He wouldn't have created modern medical technology capable of artificially prolonging life."

    Ted Hebert Toxicologist
  • "And what about the feeding tube? Is no one considering its feelings?"

    Maria Avery Baker

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