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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Schiavo's Right To Die

Last week, a judge gave Florida resident Michael Schiavo permission to remove the feeding tube of his brain-damaged wife Terri. What do you think?
  • "I understand what her husband is going through. My family is currently petitioning the state for permission to remove my fat uncle's feeding spoon."

    Vincent Velez Physical Therapist
  • "If we allow one brain-dead Floridian to die, what's to stop us from extending that policy to include the rest of the state?"

    Lance Morse Systems Analyst
  • "With proper treatment, Terri Schiavo could have gone on to live a long and... long life."

    Margo Strand Hostess
  • "I've set up a living will so that, in the event I fall into a persistent vegetative state, I should be blown to death."

    Cody McIntyre Student
  • "If God wanted people to die with dignity, He wouldn't have created modern medical technology capable of artificially prolonging life."

    Ted Hebert Toxicologist
  • "And what about the feeding tube? Is no one considering its feelings?"

    Maria Avery Baker

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