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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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School Application Blasted For Inappropriate Question

An application for the Dry Creek School District in California has come under fire for asking if the child to be enrolled was delivered vaginally or via cesarean section. What do you think?

  • "That's good. I'm getting tired of having to provide that information in the ‘Other Comments’ section."

    Kelly Cartwright Machine Wedger
  • “I'm sorry, but I think they have a right to know if a prospective student is one of those weird vagy kids.”

    Dean Yarber Systems Analyst
  • "Sounds like a pretty good way to find out what their moms are currently workin' with."

    Paul Thomas Call-Out Operator

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