adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.
End Of Section
  • More News

School Application Blasted For Inappropriate Question

An application for the Dry Creek School District in California has come under fire for asking if the child to be enrolled was delivered vaginally or via cesarean section. What do you think?

  • "That's good. I'm getting tired of having to provide that information in the ‘Other Comments’ section."

    Kelly Cartwright Machine Wedger
  • “I'm sorry, but I think they have a right to know if a prospective student is one of those weird vagy kids.”

    Dean Yarber Systems Analyst
  • "Sounds like a pretty good way to find out what their moms are currently workin' with."

    Paul Thomas Call-Out Operator
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close