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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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School Application Blasted For Inappropriate Question

An application for the Dry Creek School District in California has come under fire for asking if the child to be enrolled was delivered vaginally or via cesarean section. What do you think?

  • "That's good. I'm getting tired of having to provide that information in the ‘Other Comments’ section."

    Kelly Cartwright Machine Wedger
  • “I'm sorry, but I think they have a right to know if a prospective student is one of those weird vagy kids.”

    Dean Yarber Systems Analyst
  • "Sounds like a pretty good way to find out what their moms are currently workin' with."

    Paul Thomas Call-Out Operator
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