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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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School Monitors Student Blogs

A school district in Illinois is going to monitor students’ blogs and MySpace profiles for "illegal and inappropriate behavior." What do you think?
  • "Yay! Now they definitely won't have enough time to monitor the boiler-room and under the gymnasium bleachers."

    Todd Grubman Intern
  • "Oh, so if I cruise MySpace looking for information on children, I'm a pervert, but if a school district does it, they're being responsible."

    Lisa Hruska Housewife
  • "Finally we can move on to the next item on the district's agenda: The spectacular lack of learning going on in the classroom."

    Holden Rasche Customs Officer
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