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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

School Monitors Student Blogs

A school district in Illinois is going to monitor students’ blogs and MySpace profiles for "illegal and inappropriate behavior." What do you think?
  • "Yay! Now they definitely won't have enough time to monitor the boiler-room and under the gymnasium bleachers."

    Todd Grubman
  • "Oh, so if I cruise MySpace looking for information on children, I'm a pervert, but if a school district does it, they're being responsible."

    Lisa Hruska
  • "Finally we can move on to the next item on the district's agenda: The spectacular lack of learning going on in the classroom."

    Holden Rasche
    Customs Officer