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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Schwarzenegger Victorious

After the recall of Gov. Gray Davis, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California. What do you think?
  • "I voted for Arnold because I agreed with his economic plan. And because I was afraid he might punch me in the face if I didn't."

    Daniel Powell Sound Engineer
  • "At last, a political family that combines the remnants of the Camelot dynasty with the origins of the Predator franchise."

    Molly Prather Executive Secretary
  • "It certainly is an interesting career path, to go from bodybuilder to movie star to politician to man in way over his head."

    Will Becton Anesthesiologist
  • "I'm from Minnesota, and I demand some credit. We elected a ridiculous joke of a governor years ago."

    Brandon Calhoun Systems Analyst
  • "Who would have thought that a bad Austrian artist who's obsessed with the human physical ideal could assemble such a rabid political following?"

    Sarah Jacobs Lyricist
  • "Don't blame me—I voted for the porn star."

    Kevin Napier Radio Operator

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