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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
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Schwarzenegger Victorious

After the recall of Gov. Gray Davis, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California. What do you think?
  • "I voted for Arnold because I agreed with his economic plan. And because I was afraid he might punch me in the face if I didn't."

    Daniel Powell Sound Engineer
  • "At last, a political family that combines the remnants of the Camelot dynasty with the origins of the Predator franchise."

    Molly Prather Executive Secretary
  • "It certainly is an interesting career path, to go from bodybuilder to movie star to politician to man in way over his head."

    Will Becton Anesthesiologist
  • "I'm from Minnesota, and I demand some credit. We elected a ridiculous joke of a governor years ago."

    Brandon Calhoun Systems Analyst
  • "Who would have thought that a bad Austrian artist who's obsessed with the human physical ideal could assemble such a rabid political following?"

    Sarah Jacobs Lyricist
  • "Don't blame me—I voted for the porn star."

    Kevin Napier Radio Operator

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