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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Science Disproves Vampires

Florida physics professor Costas Efthimiou has devised a simple mathematical proof stating that vampires cannot exist. What do you think?
  • “So I've been sleeping all day in a coffin, hanging upside down in a cave lair, and drinking human blood for nothing?”

    Michael Poole Bog Limnologist
  • “I wish I had tenure. If I spent all my time in the warehouse thinking up crap like that, I'd get canned in a heartbeat.”

    Bobbi Delaney Fabricator
  • “This news will likely hit The Count the hardest. Destroyed by the very numbers he loves.”

    Gavin Jacobson Machinist

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