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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Scientist Claims Aliens Hijacked Probe

A German scientist told the newspaper Bild that the reason transmissions from deep space probe Voyager 2 changed last month is because the craft has been taken over by aliens. What do you think?

  • "The aliens reprogrammed the probe? They sound like giant nerds."

    Jake Bannon Billing-Control Clerk
  • "That guy's an idiot. Everyone knows that aliens' hands are much too slimy and slippery to take over the controls of a spacecraft."

    Olivia Kimball Dance Instructor
  • "That’s all I need to hear! I don’t think you can really argue with the first nutso theory a German guy tosses out there."

    Ethan Strickland Gang Boss

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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