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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Scientist: Human Race Becoming Dumber

Citing mutations in genes that determine intelligence, as well as the fact that modern-day humans don’t have to rely as much on intellect in order to survive and reproduce, a study by Stanford geneticist Gerald Crabtree suggests people are growing dumber. What do you think?

  • “I’m going to go right on telling my son that he’s stupid, then.”

    Japheth Sheridan Church Janitor
  • “It’s true. Computers and stuff are great, but when was the last time someone came up with a really great idea, like using a stick to hit things with?”

    Madeline Filipowski Typesetter
  • “Huh?”

    Leon Tauscher Putty Glazer
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