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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Scientist: Human Race Becoming Dumber

Citing mutations in genes that determine intelligence, as well as the fact that modern-day humans don’t have to rely as much on intellect in order to survive and reproduce, a study by Stanford geneticist Gerald Crabtree suggests people are growing dumber. What do you think?

  • “I’m going to go right on telling my son that he’s stupid, then.”

    Japheth Sheridan Church Janitor
  • “It’s true. Computers and stuff are great, but when was the last time someone came up with a really great idea, like using a stick to hit things with?”

    Madeline Filipowski Typesetter
  • “Huh?”

    Leon Tauscher Putty Glazer
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