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Scientist: Human Race Becoming Dumber

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Scientist: Human Race Becoming Dumber

Citing mutations in genes that determine intelligence, as well as the fact that modern-day humans don’t have to rely as much on intellect in order to survive and reproduce, a study by Stanford geneticist Gerald Crabtree suggests people are growing dumber. What do you think?

  • “I’m going to go right on telling my son that he’s stupid, then.”

    Japheth Sheridan Church Janitor
  • “It’s true. Computers and stuff are great, but when was the last time someone came up with a really great idea, like using a stick to hit things with?”

    Madeline Filipowski Typesetter
  • “Huh?”

    Leon Tauscher Putty Glazer

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