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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Scientists Able To Restore Sense Of Smell?

A study published in Nature Medicine found the sense of smell in mice could be restored by administering gene therapy via injections to the nose, a discovery that offers hope to humans with anosmia, or the inability to perceive scents. What do you think?

  • “Imagine a patient being able to smell their family for the first time.”

    Blossom Lukela Transmission Line Engineer
  • “Hopefully now no one will ever have to spend their life inside an iron nose again.”

    Frederick Natoli Vault Custodian
  • “Why bother? There are really only like five decent smells.”

    Jason Neely Malt Loader
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Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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