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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Scientists Able To Restore Sense Of Smell?

A study published in Nature Medicine found the sense of smell in mice could be restored by administering gene therapy via injections to the nose, a discovery that offers hope to humans with anosmia, or the inability to perceive scents. What do you think?

  • “Imagine a patient being able to smell their family for the first time.”

    Blossom Lukela Transmission Line Engineer
  • “Hopefully now no one will ever have to spend their life inside an iron nose again.”

    Frederick Natoli Vault Custodian
  • “Why bother? There are really only like five decent smells.”

    Jason Neely Malt Loader

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