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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Scientists Able To Restore Sense Of Smell?

A study published in Nature Medicine found the sense of smell in mice could be restored by administering gene therapy via injections to the nose, a discovery that offers hope to humans with anosmia, or the inability to perceive scents. What do you think?

  • “Imagine a patient being able to smell their family for the first time.”

    Blossom Lukela Transmission Line Engineer
  • “Hopefully now no one will ever have to spend their life inside an iron nose again.”

    Frederick Natoli Vault Custodian
  • “Why bother? There are really only like five decent smells.”

    Jason Neely Malt Loader

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