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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Scientists: At Least 8.8 Billion Habitable Planets In Galaxy

Using data from the Kepler telescope, scientists have estimated that that our galaxy contains about 8.8 billion potentially habitable planets orbiting sun-like stars, though the number could be as high as 40 billion if non-sun-like stars are included. What do you think?

  • “I don’t want habitable, I want transcendent.”

    Yvonne Aitken Tennis Net Maker
  • “I’ve been yelling that for years.”

    Ian Curtis Unemployed
  • “Okay, thanks for letting me know.”

    Andy Jonfield Cranberry Farmer
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