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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Scientists Augment Brain With Computer

Scientists at Tel Aviv University have implanted an artificial cerebellum in rats that can restore functioning to those with damaged brains. What do you think?

  • “I have no idea what they're trying to do, but I'm guessing it's not going to end well for the Palestinians.”

    Beth Parsons Systems Analyst
  • “It sounds like they stopped trying to solve the whole cancer thing in favor of working on this, which I support because my brain is damaged.”

    Peter Thompson High Rigger
  • “Now let someone try to stop me from hitting myself in the head with this log.”

    Wallace Jackson Unemployed

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