Scientists Create Hydrating, ‘Hangover-Free’ Beer

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Vol 49 Issue 34

Breaking Bad

AMC 9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT LeVar Burton takes children out to a river, where they catch rainbow trout and try to discern the fish’s personality just by how it flops around on the shore.

Monday, September 2

Due to budget cuts, beginning next week the library is replacing Movie Mondays with Blondie Comic–Reading Mondays.

$80,000 Wedding Beautiful

The Obama family adopts a 44-Year-Old Portuguese water man, a report shows that employers know within the first five minutes whether or not they will murder an applicant, and well, the neighbors just got a pitbull.

Chuck Klosterman Corners Guy At Party Wearing Dio Shirt

NEW YORK—Author Chuck Klosterman reportedly cornered a guy who was wearing a Dio shirt at a party Thursday evening and dominated an exhaustive discussion on the metal band, addressing the group’s fantasy themes, deconstructing lyrics, and expo...

Ben Affleck To Play Batman

The president of Warner Bros. announced yesterday that Ben Affleck will play the role of Batman in the 2015 sequel to this summer’s Man of Steel, in which Batman will join forces with Superman.
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Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Originality

Scientists Create Hydrating, ‘Hangover-Free’ Beer

Australian scientists have infused light beer with electrolytes to create a beverage that is three times more effective at hydrating the drinker than regular beer, thereby reducing the likelihood and severity of a hangover the next morning. What do you think?

  • “Sadly, this news comes seven hours too late for me.”

    Gerald Weisinger
    Theater Projectionist
  • “Good. I’m sick of getting hydrated without the buzz.”

    Toni Molen
    Orchard Pruner
  • “But the hangover is the best part!”

    Joseph Lucek
    Sieve Maker
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