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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Scientists Create Lab-Grown Meat

Dutch scientists have started using stem cells to grow muscle tissue in hopes of producing the first-ever synthetic-meat hamburger later this year. What do you think?

  • “How many more times do you have to whack the cow with a sledgehammer before the stem cells come out?”

    Gilbert Avila Filters Assembler
  • “Meat raised in laboratory petri dishes? With never an opportunity to roam a stainless-steel surface, or to experience the light and warmth of the autoclave? That's just cruel.”

    Don Bartek Tower Erector
  • “It’s just unethical for scientists to play God, and frankly a little distasteful for them to play farmer, too.”

    Sandra Graves Compounder

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