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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Scientists Create Microscopic ‘Mona Lisa’

Using nanoscale chemistry, scientists in Georgia have created the world’s smallest version of the Mona Lisa, with the researchers’ so-called Mini Lisa measuring just 30 microns wide, or less than a third of the width of a human hair. What do you think?

  • “I still prefer the original.”

    Rebecca Bristol Sightseeing Boat Operator
  • “Those guys need to quit messing around and get back to whatever other tiny work they were doing.”

    Charles Vausbinder Cable Installer
  • “How much?”

    Dennis Hirsch-Smith Urologist

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